Royal New Zealand Navy 70thAnniversary

Royal New Zealand Navy 70thAnniversary:

There's always someone worse off than you!

There's always someone worse off than you!

Inbox

x

Basil	10:24 AM (7 hours ago)
to undisclosed recipients

 

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf and couldn't play anymore. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge.... .....looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life. He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.. He asked,"Why are you so happy?" He said,"I'm NOT happy!". "My balls are itchy!"

Oh to be Irish..

 Oh to be Irish..

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

                                                               
                                                                  -------------
                                                                 
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!" 

                                                                  -------------
                                            Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. 
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts
"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

--------oOo- ---------

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says
"I wonder how the girls are getting on".
--------oOo- -----------

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"
--------oOo----------

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service
for not servicing the electric chair..
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
--------oOo----------

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was
found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said
"I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
--------oOo----------

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours'
dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks
"What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden.
Let's see how they like it!"

------------oOo- ---------

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

                                                                                                                             
                                                                  -------------
                                                                   Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

An Irish Family Tradition
Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had
all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick,
took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the
boat ...and nearly drowned!Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather
were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were
born in August, ya idgit.


 

A view across the lake here in Queenstown... so happy to have a bunch of new friends coming over to the house tonight! I'm sitting here with +Bel Jones who will be getting video of the festivities.

A view across the lake here in Queenstown... so happy to have a bunch of new friends coming over to the house tonight!  I'm sitting here with +Bel Jones who will be getting video of the festivities.